Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
