Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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