I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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