Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
