I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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