I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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