I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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