DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
