He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
