I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
