8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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