a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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