I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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