You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I cut my penus on the lid.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
