I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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