when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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