thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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