Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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