if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
