i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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