its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
