I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
