I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
