I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
