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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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