Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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