Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
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