To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize