It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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