i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize