That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
