Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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