why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
