I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Randomize
