capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
