haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
