by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
