wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
