He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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