Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Randomize
