Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Randomize
