Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
