she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
