Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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