overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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