I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
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grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
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I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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