I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
