I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
