dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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