so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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