yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
