Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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