Just fell off a train. Bad.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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