I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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