Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
