My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
