I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
