dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
