Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
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