my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
