Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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