Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
