We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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