2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
