im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
