so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
