just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
