Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
