it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
