I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
