My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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