I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
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