Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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