I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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