It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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