I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
