Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
