btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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