she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
