he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
