Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
