I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
