Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
