Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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