if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
