I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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