Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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