This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
But theres a keg here and me gusta
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
