I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
